Photo courtesy of http://xahlee.org/

HEY HEARTUN ~ Please, Miss, do not start my letter off with “Hey Heartun.” Even when i am not role playing i would never say that. Why i am writing is that i am very subservient and i like strong women. i went to NOVA’s Lesbian BDSM Club  (oh, yeah, i am male in real life but female in SL) and offered myself to anyone who wanted me as their servant but no one seemed to take me seriously. Some even accused me of trying to pick up women — but i’m not looking for sex,  just a woman to order me around. ~ AT YOUR SERVICE

DEAR AT YOUR SERVICE ~ Yeah, technically you are not violating the rules there at NOVA’s. As I understand it — technically — they allow trans-SL women. (so long as their behavior stays in line with the conduct expected at that club) But you picked NOVA’s, and you are hanging onto a technicality? And rather than sit back, you’re firing on anyone? That place is a fairly up-scale club and may not be the free-range meat market you’re looking for.  I mean, why not hang out at the Degraded Factory of Pain in Hardwood? Or find some rando in a Welcome Area or a fishing village or a racetrack?

Also, when you say you offered yourself to anyone who wants you — well, that isn’t a great sales technique. You no doubt sounded needy. I’m sure the “Hey, I’m here… lets party!” technique of picking up a fetish partner works fine if you’re in a fetish where things are largely equal and there are other people looking for what you’ve got. Heterosexuals, homosexuals and Furries seem to have a fairly equal volume of compliments — but the sad truth is that many fetishes do not have equal counterparts.

If you are into pretending to be a big baby, and you like women, you’re going to have to stand in line. Like being a sub? Also stand in line — or be willing to share. Into Scat or Water Sports? There are far more receivers than givers.

What you’re doing is a longshot too, although not impossible. You may not be into sex, but you ARE looking for a woman and you picked a club full of women who are also looking for women — not necessarily you. Then you went and threw out your appeal broadly (no pun) and probably too soon when you should have just sat there and waited. Of course no one was interested when you said something like “I want to be the slave/servant/sub of any woman here.” You were confirming that you are a guy looking for a girl, and trust me — they’ve seen that before. Also, when you give something away for free and offer it to everyone without first raising that thing’s value you are devaluing it completely.

I’d recommend that you go elsewhere to look for your Mistress. Failing that, if you are insistent about staying in NOVA’s with your quest you should sit there and be quiet — for a few weeks. Think like a petitioner to a Shaolin temple — kneel quietly and only speak when spoken to. Watch others for hours. If asked, tell the questioner that you are looking for someone to serve in a non-sexual way. Be ready for rejection, but with patience — grasshopper — you could eventually find someone who wants to take you home to clean her windows. If you aren’t willing to be patient, go to a less discriminating club. And if you don’t want me to start with ‘Hey Heartun’ don’t fill in the form. Your desires do not change the rules in anyone else’s game. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER