Note: It starts with a PM out of nowhere, from a person I don’t know at all.

(Name Withheld): hi, your avatar is pretty cute
(Name Withheld): what are u doing for live
(Name Withheld): living

Heartun Breaker: I am a high school teacher. You?

(Name Withheld): i deall with cloth i inport them

Heartun Breaker: That sounds very cool. Business is fascinating.

(VERY LONG PAUSE)

Heartun Breaker: Hey, I’m sure your friends think you are awesome… but you take too long to answer, don’t say much about yourself in your bio, and are boreing the hell out of me.

(Name Withheld): hey am here just checking my mail

Heartun Breaker: This relationship is stifiling me… I NEED OUT! Gahhhhh!

(Name Withheld): what??????

Heartun Breaker: I’m so sorry… but I’m dumping you. Please, it isn’t you… it’s me. Lets still be friends, huh?

(Name Withheld): dumping?

Heartun Breaker: and I want my stuff back, but I don’t want to see you … so put it in a box and send it through a friend. And I’d better see my favorite tshirt… you know that one you like to sleep in? If you don’t give it back you’ll never see that earring you left at my place! I swear, I’ll flush it right down the toilet!

(Name Withheld): hey what do u mean?

Heartun Breaker: You’re always arguing with me. You’re just like your mother! Criticizing me, and arguing with me… that’s all you two do. I just can’t stand it any more. I’d rather chew my own arm off than have to hear your negative crap any more! OMG, just send my stuff back. I love that Led Zepplin t-shirt!

(Name Withheld): hey do u want to buy it?

Heartun Breaker: I can’t believer you! Trying to SELL me my own Led Zepplin t-shirt? What unmitigated gall!
Heartun Breaker: You never even LIKED Led Zepplin! I always had to listen to that Jay Z crap too…. oh, and Snoop Dog? Jesus fucking hell!

(Name Withheld): did u know me before?

Heartun Breaker: Before that night in Toronto? At the film festival when we fell in love.. in a drunken night of debochery? No. And now, looking back, I wish we had never broken into Vince Vaughn’s hotel suite and short sheeted his bed and put cellophane over his toilet seat. (Name Withheld), I so loved you then… I knew we were RIGHT for eachother… and you went and spoiled it all.

(Name Withheld): are u full?

Heartun Breaker: Now you’re saying I ‘m full of shit! Jesus, just give me back my fucking Led Zepplin shirt. Why are you so mean?
Heartun Breaker: My god, I got my nipples pierced for you!
Heartun Breaker: And I don’t even LIKE piercings!

(Name Withheld): what do mean with all this shit?

Heartun Breaker: You never did understand me!

(Name Withheld): okay

(Name Withheld): what do u mean thebn?

Heartun Breaker: thebn?

(Name Withheld): i mean then?

(Name Withheld): do u know me before

Heartun Breaker: I don’t feel that I know you at all… not even now.

(Name Withheld): so then what are u talking about

Heartun Breaker:I’m talking about US… I’m talking about LOVE… I’ talking about what COULD HAVE BEEN!!! Why do you torture me like this?

(Name Withheld): like how

Heartun Breaker:Like how? Like, you are holding my Led Zepplin shirt “hostage” to get back at me for loving you too much! How about that “like how”?

(Name Withheld): should i send u some shirt?

Heartun Breaker: “Some” shirt? What do you mean “some” shirt? Did you … did you LOSE my Led Zepplin shirt? Oh… MY…. GOD!!!!

(VERY LONG PAUSE)

Heartun Breaker: What? Now the silent treatment? Fuck you!! Fuck you!!! Fuck you!! FUCK YOU!!!! You Led Zepplin hating WHORE!!!! You’ll never see that earring. And those movies I took of us are going up on the fucking web!!

(Name Withheld): hey ill call fbi for u if u dont stop it

Heartun Breaker: Just give me back my Led Zepplin shirt. Please?

(Name Withheld): when did i take t from ypou?
(Name Withheld): talk to me
(Name Withheld): because i dont realy know what nis wrong with you
(Name Withheld): i guess you must be crazy

Heartun Breaker: We could have been so good for each other. Who would have expected it to end like this?