HEY HEARTUN~  I came to Second Life nearly a year ago, hot off of my divorce with my (then) soon-to-be ex-husband. It was a bitter divorce, following years of disfunction — mostly on his part (but not all his) — and I was angry. I didn’t trust men. I’m not into women either (not that I’m judging, it’s just not me). My first several relationships in Second Life were launched quickly, mostly sexual, and quickly ended. Often with me blocking the guy and moving to a whole new hangout.

I don’t have any real female friends here, or friends that identify as female anyway. And I’m starting to think that I am broken because I keep finding the same kind of wrong guy and I’m doing the same stuff — over and over and over.  I’m miserable — and I can’t blame my ex any more because he’s been out of my life for a while. I have been thinking of jumping to World of Warcraft with the new expansion but I think I’d be just as miserable there because I can’t stop being angry and broken. Please help me. ~ STUCK

DEAR STUCK~ I can’t fix you. Worse, you probably can’t fix what is wrong with you right away, and maybe not at all without professional help or boat loads of time. I came to Second Life in about the same condition as you back in the early months of 2005 — plus I was drinking to beat the band. I came to the grid because I was lonely, broken and my real life had fallen apart. Second Life didn’t fix any of that, well, maybe the loneliness.

I needed outside help. You may need some kind of outside help too. If you have a relationship with a religious organization, maybe a minister can help. There are religious types in Second Life as well. But a

lot of people find help with counseling and therapy — and that’s available in the real world and Second Life too. There are several online counselors if you do a search, but I dropped into New Ways Counseling and Support in Hauwei. I talked with a very smartly scripted therapy bot named Myke, but the place claims to have real counselors too. None were on duty at the time I was there, but it looked legit.

Your ex certainly hurt you, and you aren’t wrong or stupid to feel that hurt. But that ex, by your admission, is not in your life — and isn’t hurting you any more. He isn’t responsible for your pain today. He may have caused it, but it is your responsibility to either live with it — or change. You can get help with that, but no one else will do the work for you.

Ask yourself these two questions: How free do you want to be? and Are you willing to do what it takes to be free?

~HEARTUN