Photo courtesy of Jezebel.com

HEY HEARTUN ~ I’m going freaking (can I say ‘fucking’ here?) nuts! I have been at Second Life for about two months now and when I first got here (oh, I’m really 27 and male from Cincinnati and am a banker) I played around with Gor for a while. It didn’t stick, but this girl I met in Ko-Ro-Ba really DID stick, if you know what I mean.

Hey, I’m sorry I came on all strong with her and all. I was recently out of a divorce and new to all this online crap. Anyway, when I broke it off with her I tried to explain that I just wasn’t comfortable with where were were going and that she was a nice girl — but I just got in too fast and too deep. At first she seemed to take it well, but then I noticed that when I was at some of my favorite hangouts she would just be there watching me. I muted her, but she knows where I hang out.

Yesterday while I was playing Tringo at the IceDragon (shout out to mah peeps! woot!) she was sitting behind me! Worse than that she IMs people I know and asks them to forward messages to me. I can’t ditch this alt, because I have a lot of friends now. And I don’t think its right that I gotta stop going to my regular hang outs. What the hell? ~ REBOUND LOTHARIO

DEAR REBOUND LOTHARIO ~ What is it about Gor that attracts you post-divorce idiots? (Note to Goreans opening emails now: The prior statement does not say all Goreans are post-divorce idiots… so cool your jets.)

Look at it from the girls perspective. She’s needy and feels inadequate in her life and finds a very structured world where she is valued. Sometimes she is valued in exact terms by having a blue book value in the Gorean slave market. Other times she is valued for performing hours of loving labor like sweeping a house or doing dishes. Men want her! And she never has to think for herself, which makes her feel good. Then you show up, pretend to see that special “her” that no one else can see — and she gets to feel special doing the fake dishes in some Gorean hangout, as a sign of her love for you.

Then you back away. Why wouldn’t she stalk the shit out of you? You practically begged for it!

You say you don’t want to ditch your current avatar’s account, so you can take this one of two ways. The mature thing to do is to ignore her and wait for her to just go away. If she’s ignored, you know she eventually will withdraw to some place safe — like Gor. Then there’s the Gorean way o ditching her.

Start playing in Ko-Ro-Ba. Make up with her. Enslave her. Then sell her to someone who won’t allow her to talk with you. As I understand it she would have to obey her new master or be subjected to group punishment. Oh, the joys of Gor! ~ HEARTUN BREAKER

Note: This article was written in April of 2007. The place names are not likely accurate any more.