HEY HEARTUN ~ I’m a guy and supposed to be into guy-like things, and fishing stereotypically falls into that category — but ever since my girlfriend has taken up with virtual fishing at Neo-Realms Fishing Camp. She’s freaking addicted!! I can’t stand how boooorrrrrreeeeeing it is to hang out with her there. I mean, she stands there with a fishing rod and every once in a while a “fish” gets dumped into her inventory. She gets so excited when she gets a new kind of fish, but she doesn’t do anything with them! WTF?
We used to hang out at this cool club where we met. Now she drags me to this fish pond. I hate it! ~ BAIT HATE
DEAR BAIT HATE ~ I’m trying to figure out how you built up so much anger. I’m guessing one of two things: either you complain a lot or you don’t ever complain. They sound like opposites, but they’re two sides of the same coin. If you are always going on and on to your girlfriend about the many things that bother you — you are frustrated because she stopped listening to you a long time ago. If you never complain, you also feel frustrated because she isn’t listening to what you aren’t saying.
Either way you have to engage her in a conversation where you let her know about your discomfort in an assertive but non-aggressive way. Start out with a bunch of “I” statements. Like “I am really bored when we fish all the time” and “I would like to go dancing with you more” or “I really don’t like fishing and this isn’t working for me.” (DANGER: This last one is very close to a threat. Do NOT threaten her. Under no circumstances should you say anything along the lines of “I really don’t like fishing and will leave you if you keep doing it.” Threats don’t work.)
She may not listen at first because this kind of talk from you will be new to her. If after hearing you she can’t give you what you need in this relationship — throw her back. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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