Leave Her. Or Love Her.

HEY HEARTUN ~ My first online love affair ended on what was supposed to be my wedding day — and I never saw it coming. I got a ‘dear Avatar’ note card and no real explanation. I was hurt and confused. After that I was cautious for a long time.

Then I met ‘her.’ We were friends first, doing everything — killing monsters, racing cars, clubbing, shopping and spending quiet time at home — the last one being her favorite, and I like it too! She’s even moved into my place and we share a garden at another location. It’s been wonderful to log in and have someone there for me.

The problem is I feel like I’m trapped. Every time I log on to Second Life I’m immediately greeted by her and I feel smothered. I have lots of friends that I’ve introduced her to, so we now share the same friends, and I’m constantly asked where she’s at if she is not with me.

Before we met, I loved to explore new places and I haven’t done that in a long time. She seems like she has a specific agenda but she’s not talking. To make it worse, she lives in Australia and has limited bandwidth — she can’t rezz quickly after teleporting, she has inventory problems and several other frustrating issues.

This kind of stuff happens a lot and I feel obliged to keep her company. I’ve tried helping her overcome the connectivity issues but because of her remote location — those issues are here to stay.

Heartun, I think I’m having connection problems as well. ~ TAINTED LOVE

DEAR TAINTED LOVE ~ Rebound love is a sweet thing, but like cotton candy — it can make you sick if you get too much. You’ve found yourself a nice girl, and you love her for all the right reasons — but you fell in love on the rebound. That really sucks, for the both of you.

She senses in you the need for something more, and she’s trying to fill that need by occupying your every moment. She’ll try to be online all the time just so she doesn’t miss you. She’ll hang out with your (now) mutual friends when you are not there so she can better understand you and please you vicariously through your friends. Her whole world revolves around you, because she can tell she is somehow inadequate.

The real shame here is that she IS a nice girl. And you two were REALLY friends… but ‘friends with benefits’ turned into friends who won’t leave after the party is over.

It sucks, but you’ve got to let her know — in no uncertain terms — what you feel for her. Let her know that you need some space. Tell her you don’t see the two of you together 10 years from now and she deserves better. Give her the “it’s not you, its me” speech… but leave her or love her. Those are your choices. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER