This article is something some people have been asking me to write, only, I don’t like to sit puddles of misery, so I brush every request or suggestion away to focus on why I came to Second Life and why I remain. There are indeed many amazing and wonderful activities and people in Second Life to put my effort to. However, with the crazy last four years almost come to an end and the nastiness it brought to many of us on a global presence, I thought I would write something for this publication.

The issue is of course, men. Not all men, but those who use their computers to harass women using online medias. Often the medias are social platforms like Facebook and Twitter. For the sake of this article, I will be concentrating on Second Life. As I once said on Twitter, I have no problem with most men but the number of men behaving wrongly does seem to be growing in numbers, regardless of cultural background which tells us this is globally systemic.

When we log into Second Life with our viewer for the first time and make our way to the greeting centre, we are met with a crowd of people. For women, this crowd here and beyond feels like a tsunami of sexually frustrated men who were never correctly socialized as a child in the environment they lived out their childhood and nothing afterwards to mold them into civil beings. I have received messages from men who tell me their experiences when they created an account with a female avatar, giving them an insight into what women experience in our day to day lives. I don’t mind this. This would be a good exercise for all men so they learn and then hopefully they would evolve. And yes, there are predatory women who are just as toxic as the men this article is about.

One type of men we all know about is the man who believes that telling us we have nice tits or other body part will see us blush and melt at their feet, all hot and wet, ready for uncontrolled sex with them or they write some other weird lines which is often creepy and disturbing. They need to stop watching porn and listening to their high school friends for hints.

The second are those who become angry with us for not opening our legs for them. Some become abusive. Women act politely. We pretend to laugh at their stupid jokes because we don’t know which man will be the next to go into a rage. Online can be just as dangerous and hurtful when they harass or intimidate. Some demand answers. These things in our first lives can lead to assaults against us. Online actions can and do lead to public humiliation. In Australia, where I live, men harassing women online has lead to threats considered real enough that they have left Australia for their own safety, some unable to return because men are waiting to hurt them for the crime of holding a different point of view to them or not opening their legs for these men.

Second Life is no different; when people are harassed, they stop logging in to meet with their friends.

Of serious concern is how the victim, most often a woman, responds. Nobody can see what anyone is going through in their lives as technology makes us physically invisible. When someone is harassed, sexually or otherwise, we do not know if they are also a real-life victim of a similar crime or sexual assault. We do not know if they have anxiety, PTSD or any other personal matter. We cannot see if someone is triggered by a bad event against them and when I have raised this with both men and women in Second Life, I feel at a loss when the response is that it is only online, as if there are no emotions involved online, or they should just stop using the Internet, which only further enables the bullies who are given free license to continue their bad behavior.

I am known for posting screenshots of messages I receive, generally with the senders identity censored. If I show the person’s account identity, it is because they have said something so stupid that I believe they should be known. Recently a man chose to send me a message offline to say he was Donald Trump’s brother. All of my polite no’s were rejected with a change of tact until I spoke directly. On came the angry raging male. This man gave me the idea of creating a picks tab ‘For Men’ which nobody should have to do.

Has male behaviour become increasingly worse?

I would say, yes. Yes, because I have known many bi-sexual women in first life and Second Life who say that they have had it with men. Many stopped dating men all together. Others say that if they weren’t with their current boyfriend or husband, they would never date another man again. Men are blaming feminism for this rejection of them but it is their behaviour. Women should not have to hear men apologize for their gender.

In Second Life, we learn where it is safe for women to go and for most of us, this excludes beaches since beaches somehow means sex. I personally don’t want sand inside my vagina.

It is not difficult for people to be considerate of each other. No matter the religion. No matter the pigmentation of skin. No matter the age, sex, gender or sexual orientation. There are so many activities in Second Life to enjoy. There are so many different people to meet and learn from each other. It just takes a small amount of effort to respect each other than sitting at our computers with a tomato head and inflamed fingers from angry keystrokes.

Respect one another. Enjoy life.

Sheree Honeyflower

(On Twitter,  Virtually Sheree)