Photo courtesy of Maggie McNeil at The Honest Courtesan

HEY HEARTUN~ I am a Gorean Kajira, a slave as is outlined in the John Norman book Dancer of Gor — in essence, being a slave is a whole way of life, involving a total modality of existence. I live according to the Slave Creed:

• He is Master and I am slave.
• He is owner and I am owned.
• He commands and I obey.
• He is to be pleased and I am to please.
• Why is this?
• Because He is Master and I am slave.
• Allow me the strength to answer questions I can’t fathom.

I believe this. I live this. But about six months ago my old Master sold me. The new Master was nice to me for a while, but lately he has been ordering me to give pleasure to some of His friends. And I never see the same ‘friend’ twice. I think they pay Him for my attention. It makes me sad. ~ RENTAL KAJIRA

DEAR RENTAL ~ I’ve got two answers for you: First the Gorean answer.

• There will be many times you are called upon to answer questions you have never thought of. To delve deep inside yourself for the answers to places you never even thought would exist. It requires a certain amount of emotional and mental strength to do this, to look in those places that may house memories you have simply forgotten, or urges you are too afraid to admit. There is much buried deep within each of us that we don’t even know is there, and at some time or another… to be completely open and honest with you Master, you will have to find these things… and bring them to the surface.

Now for the Sane answer.

• He is pimping you out. If that isn’t what you signed on for, tell him to stop or leave him. Even within the context of Gor, you deserve better. I understand that the works of John Norman spin a tale that women achieve freedom through total submission, and that in giving up agency to a master they gain absolute agency — but you are playing Second Life. The reality is, you informally contracted with another player to support each other in a fun way for both of you — and it isn’t working for you now.

~HEARTUN BREAKER

Photo courtesy of Isabelle Cheren. Watch her YouTube video, A Virtual Romance in Second Life.

HEY HEARTUN~ I came to Second Life a couple months ago and started hanging out in Club Arsheba where I met the love of my life. Other than work and (some) sleep I spent all of my time either with her, or waiting for her. I bought her lots of nice things, and wrote her poetry all the time.

Then the bitch dumped me! She muted me too!

So I made an alt, started hanging out at the club again, and met her over again. Things went really well for a while but then she recognized me, I think from my poetry. How can I win her back? ~THIRD TIME CHARMER

DEAR CHARMER~ Benjamin Franklin said ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.’

You clearly fit that definition, so lets try to improve your cover.

Go to www.lyricsondemand.com and bone up on some Al Green lyrics. Instead of writing your own poetry, steal from the master.

Tell her things like:

• I just can’t stop from holding you
• I can’t quit a love like this from consuming you
• There must be a reason why I feel so free
• Me loving you, you loving me
• Your love is more than I deserve
• Oh baby, you made me, you gave me your love… 

Memorize a bunch of Rev. Green’s lyrics and use them liberally in all your communication with this woman. Then, when she finds you out again (and she will) go get a lobotomy, make another alt, and try using the lyrics of the Moody Blues. If that doesn’t work, try picking up a new girlfriend in Port Cos. ~HEARTUN BREAKER

Photo Courtesy of Kelborn Kassar of the Second Life Star Wars Role Play Wiki

HEY HEARTUN~ I am a good Sub, and I love my Master but He has gotten involved in some geeky Star Wars role play in Second Life. It’s like a game inside of Second Life where everyone pretends to be a Wookie or some shit.

Like… “Bleep-blorp… I’m a robot!”

It is the most boring thing I’ve ever seen, but my Master loves it. He wants to go up levels (or some shit) really fast so He has me play too, as an Ewok or some shit. My only job is to stand behind Him and look fuzzy. I get so bored that sometimes I do other stuff in another window… and I don’t keep up on the geeky crap he and his friends are doing, and He gets mad at me. ~ BORED SUB

DEAR BORED ~ I know that he is the boss and you like doing his bidding, but he’s not paying attention to you. He’s just using you, and not in a good way — like you want. You need to talk to him outside of the role you have established. Put on a completely different avatar. Let him know that you are talking to him as you, not as the role you have shown him. Then discuss with him what you need out of your relationship and what you find lacking right now. He will probably want to play the game some times too but he can’t do it all the time.  It isn’t a dom/sub relationship if you are constantly required to do something that you do not enjoy. Then switch back to your regular avatar, get back in your sub role, and see if he can master seeing to your needs. If he can’t, then what are you doing with him?

~HEARTUN BREAKER

Your column hasn’t been on in a while. What’s up?

~SUPERFAN

Photo Courtesy of Innovative Second Life

(Note from Heartun: Due to constant banning and always having a new alt, it is difficult to communicate with MEG.)

DEAR SUPERFAN~

It’s strange how Cosmo Linden from the group helping people summarizes the Linden Lab page on tickets to 10 dollars the satisfaction of recovering an avatar without human interludes.

Well.. This talent that aboard the clever employees Linden lab when are not hackers is averaged of an Smoker into balconies at England… With this new web page to serve the clients Second Life, people from support has time to eat a pie looking Paris from England with a telescope. Suddenly if the telescope is focusing inner Linden Lab the brain of the civil servants decreases their latencies and people as Cosmo Linden has so many free time…

I pretend to uniform the Perestroika character with the propose of the socialism Second Life and one building named Linden Lab building with support in a democracy.

Really Cosmos Linden needs 10 dollars by avatar by a pushing button in his task into Linden Lab.

~MEG

Photo Courtesy of Second Life Adventures

HEY HEARTUN~ Can you still be friends with someone after you’ve cybered? Even if you don’t want to cyber with them any more? ~FRIENDS FOREVER

DEAR FRIENDS~
The short answer is ‘no.’

But it’s more complicated than that.

Cyber sex is the safest thing out there, and lets face it… it is convenient. Assisted masturbation can be very exciting,  but if that’s all you’ve got with your partner — that partnership may fade with time. (Perhaps in minutes).

It sounds like that is what happened here — from what little you gave us to go on — and I’m guessing you just don’t want to be a jerk and drop your boring lover like an adult would. So you’ll pull the ‘lets be friends’ routine and meet with the predictable results. Your erstwhile lover will know they are being spurned, get pissed off or clingy, and give you a reason to drop them where you can blame THEM for the breakup.

After all, you still wanted to be friends and they got all ‘weird’ on you. Right?

Be an adult. Just tell them you are no longer getting what you want out of the relationship and need to move on. After a cooling off period, if you run into them again, try being FRIENDLY (i.e. civil and kind). And as for your next conquest, try being friends first — if you really want the whole package, and not just a dalliance. See if you have something in common besides mutual masturbation and one handed typing.

The key here is that adults have a fair idea of what they’re looking for before they engage others in ‘more than friends’ play. Sure, they get it wrong, but they’re trying. If you don’t have a clue, you are doomed to hurt others and be frustrated with whatever you get.

~HEARTUN BREAKER

EXTRA~ Author Caroline Takeda masterfully covers the art of cyber sex on the site Second-Life-Adventures.com 

• Second Life Sex — The Definitive Guide
• Emotes in Role-Play and Virtual Sex

I am young, and gay, and I live in a rural part of the Western United States — and being ‘out and proud’ is not at all a safe option for me. The nearest gay bar is hundreds of miles away. I’ve never met anyone in my area who came out. There’s a lot of homofobia and open bigotry, so I never let on. I played it straight throughout high school and after, out of fear for my life. 

Just after high school, and during Covid lock down, I discovered Second Life and it was as if I could finally breathe! 

I found a community of gay furries, and they became more real to me than any of my friends from home. I quickly met a man and fell in love. He showed me how to have sex in Second Life, and taught me about scarfing — you know, using a scarf (or something like it) to cut off the blood supply for a greater overall experience. 

Image Courtesy of Derpibooru

The last time we were at it, about a week ago, his avie went ‘afk’ and he stopped typing… eventually he logged off. 

I’m afraid he died. But I don’t have any of his contact information so I don’t even know how to check up on him. What do I do? ~SCARFING FURRY

DEAR SCARFING~ I understand that cutting off the supply of oxygen to the brain at the time of orgasm can intensify that orgasm. I’m told it does this because as the brain approaches asphyxia it kicks out more endorphins. Some people put a plastic bag over their head, others self-strangulate manually, and many us a ligature — a scarf — to cut off the blood flow at the neck. I get the logistics, and dangers, from this activity — and appreciate your concern. 

It is possible that your lover died.

But here’s the thing. You’re in Second Life, and while this relationship appears to be unique, intense and important to you — a lot of people in Second Life just suck. If they didn’t, I’d have nothing to write about. You don’t say why, but you don’t have any other way to contact your lover — and that just seems wrong. If this relationship was as important to him as it is to you I would have expected SOME real life information to have been exchanged. At the very minimum, social media accounts for your in-world avies.

Death is a possibility, but if I were taking bets I’d give long odds that your lover just closed his account rather than end it with you. It’s shitty, but not at all uncommon.  ~HEARTUN BREAKER

DEAR YOUR~ I share your pain. My God, girl, I came across a Bio where a young woman railed against “prejudism” — a word that just doesn’t exist. The thing is, Your, when you cross the line between feeling superior to these morons and actually pointing out your superiority to them you are displaying a deep seated mental flaw of your own. I don’t know how it started. Maybe your daddy didn’t love you enough. Maybe mommy forced you into toilet training too early. Regardless (irregardless to the true moron), when you contact a stranger and rub their nose in their own ignorance it is you who are the moron. It is antisocial and you need to stop it now. Class dismissed!

~HEARTUN BREAKER

It made me laugh — hanging around in the public sandbox, seeing the stupid things guys say when they PM girls. I had no idea!

Photo Courtesy of OMweb

Then a female acquaintance invited me to a lesbian-only club and I’ve been hanging out there a lot ever since… because I fell in love. Do I let my new lesbian ‘girlfriend’ know that I am really a man? ~ HANGING, BUT NOT OUT

DEAR HANGING ~ Sure. Tell her. I’m sure her sexuality up to this point in her life is merely the result of not having met the right guy.

While you are at it, you should broaden your horizons. Start hanging out at Shemale Quickies so you can meet the right guy  too!

The ‘right guy’ will surely change your orientation.  ~HEARTUN BREAKER

Photo Courtesy of *Eat Me* (a store in the marketplace)

HEY HEARTUN~ My wife, girlfriend, ‘partner’ whatever — I think she cheating on me. We ben talking about her livin Textas and moving up to me in Detroit and what not. We good together. We play alla time. But month ago she play that WoW game, now she don’t come on SL hardly never!!!!

I ask if she cheetin but she say “no” but I see she on with the AIM alla time but she ignore me some time so I thinking she on Wow with some dude!!!

When she DO come play SL she all “No, my computer just on. I was out.” but I no she lyin. What Ima do? I hella mad but she don no that yit. ~HELLA ‘G’

DEAR HELLA~ When did gangstas start playing Second Life? Um — never. Whether you are black or white or Latino or Asian, you’ve got to drop the ‘too cool for school’ hip-hop mode of speech because it just doesn’t work in an online environment. Face it, if you are here YOU ARE A GEEK. It’s just a question of to what extent or degree. 

Now, to your question, I presume you’ve tried to get her WoW name and server, with the intention of stalking her there. Since you didn’t mention it, I’m guessing that she didn’t divulge that information. So here’s what you do.

Trick her by acting extra trusting. When she isn’t around, don’t send her messages but when she is around say things like “I like hanging around you” and ask her to tell you about her day. Use complete sentences. Act caring and concerned for her wellbeing. Don’t let on that you are needy and distrustful. Act like every moment with her is a gift that makes you happy.

It’s just a gues,s but I doubt she’s ever experienced that from you, so these new emotions you evoke in her will throw her off guard. She’ll actually start spending more time with you instead of ignoring your IMs, lying to you about where she is, and trotting off to WoW to cyber some troll. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER

HEY HEARTUN~ I am Spanish. I do not speak English. The people who speak here English are cruel. They say that “they speak English or they go.” She is that I leave the Second Life? ~VISTA GLOBAL (translated from Spanish using AltaVista’s Babelfish)

Photo Courtesy of FuelFandango Designs

DEAR VISTA~ I spoke briefly with Liaison Lizzy Linden and she said there is no “official language of Second Life.” While the majority of SL ‘citizens’ speak English it’s non-English speakers that are the hoped-for salvation for Linden Labs. After personnel expenses, server space and connectivity top the expenses that keep Second Life running. And they’re fairly fixed costs too. If you double the number of Americans playing SL, you have to boost server space and connectivity or service suffers more than players will tolerate.

However, if you pull in players who aren’t from he same time zone they end up playing at different times, effectively distributing the server and connectivity workload. More players, same capital costs. Venture capitalists love that, and Linden Labs is out hunting for more VC right now. The money they brought in last winter is running out — and while management can downsize customer service workers like Lizzy to boost the bottom line they can’t cut infrastructure.

“There are four fucking languages going on all at once in here and its pissing me off,” yelled one Welcome Area Regular in Ahern recently. “I’ve got a problem with all these foreigners — it didn’t used to be this way!”

Xenophobic sentiment like this is bound to increase in the Second Life Welcome Areas because while language-specific sims are on the increase the WAs are common ground. We Americans are going to have to admit to ourselves that we don’t travel the world much, we don’t speak any other languages and our world view is rather narrow. That kind of introspection makes us uncomfortable. Meanwhile the non-Americans get a chance to answer their favorite question: “Who are these Americans who keep electing bomb-flinging psychopaths.” And they’d better be nice about it too because America has a lot of bombs, and a lot of Bushes. (Jeb 08-16, Neil 16-24, Jenna 24-32, Barbara 32-40 and so on.)

Second Life is the opportunity we all have to find out about each other without actually going to war but it starts in the Welcome Area. So if someone gives you shit for speaking Spanish, Dear Vista, write up an abuse report because I’d hate to see Jenna send B-52s into Barcelona some day. And that cracker best learn some Spanish or learn to shut up because they probably don’t want to see that either.

~HEARTUN BREAKER