I am young, and gay, and I live in a rural part of the Western United States — and being ‘out and proud’ is not at all a safe option for me. The nearest gay bar is hundreds of miles away. I’ve never met anyone in my area who came out. There’s a lot of homofobia and open bigotry, so I never let on. I played it straight throughout high school and after, out of fear for my life. 

Just after high school, and during Covid lock down, I discovered Second Life and it was as if I could finally breathe! 

I found a community of gay furries, and they became more real to me than any of my friends from home. I quickly met a man and fell in love. He showed me how to have sex in Second Life, and taught me about scarfing — you know, using a scarf (or something like it) to cut off the blood supply for a greater overall experience. 

Image Courtesy of Derpibooru

The last time we were at it, about a week ago, his avie went ‘afk’ and he stopped typing… eventually he logged off. 

I’m afraid he died. But I don’t have any of his contact information so I don’t even know how to check up on him. What do I do? ~SCARFING FURRY

DEAR SCARFING~ I understand that cutting off the supply of oxygen to the brain at the time of orgasm can intensify that orgasm. I’m told it does this because as the brain approaches asphyxia it kicks out more endorphins. Some people put a plastic bag over their head, others self-strangulate manually, and many us a ligature — a scarf — to cut off the blood flow at the neck. I get the logistics, and dangers, from this activity — and appreciate your concern. 

It is possible that your lover died.

But here’s the thing. You’re in Second Life, and while this relationship appears to be unique, intense and important to you — a lot of people in Second Life just suck. If they didn’t, I’d have nothing to write about. You don’t say why, but you don’t have any other way to contact your lover — and that just seems wrong. If this relationship was as important to him as it is to you I would have expected SOME real life information to have been exchanged. At the very minimum, social media accounts for your in-world avies.

Death is a possibility, but if I were taking bets I’d give long odds that your lover just closed his account rather than end it with you. It’s shitty, but not at all uncommon.  ~HEARTUN BREAKER

Photo Courtesy of Ripped Winkler

HEY HEARTUN~

I cheated on my wife with 3 dogs, a monkey and a half gallon jug of KY Jelly. Should I tell her?

~RYMES WITH ‘CHORUS’

DEAR CHORUS~

I don’t see why not. Sounds like a good Second Life party… maybe she will want to join in next time.

HEY HEARTUN~ I heard that Second Life had a lot of fetish groups, that’s why I joined. In the real world I am into bestiality, but I would like a more socially acceptable outlet for my proclivity. I’ve tried joining in with some ‘Furries’ but they all seem to reject me because my avatar looks like I really do, human.

They all seem to want me to put on a Furry suit, but that’s not my thing. Where do I find animals in Second Life who want to play animals… and play with me as I am? ~ BEAST RIDER

DEAR BEAST RIDER~ It is true that the majority of Furries out there want to engage in a fantasy of both being animalistic and being WITH an animalistic avatar played by someone with a similar interest. But I don’t think you are correct in your early conclusion that Furries won’t take you as you are.  Interspecies romance does crop up on occasion. (And please understand that Furries are not animals, per se, but that is a whole different conversation!)

Be polite. Perhaps mention your particular interest in your biography in as PG terms as possible. And be patient. But be aware that among many in the Furry community, what you are into will raise hackles!

“A small proportion of the fandom is sexually interested in zoophilia (sex with animals), although a majority take a negative stance towards it. An anonymous survey in 2008 found 17% of respondents reported zoophilia,” said a report on Fur Culture in WikiPedia. 

On a personal note, I hope you find what you are looking for in Second Life because although I am not judgmental about fetishes, I do not condone any sex that fails to secure the full and knowing consent of all parties, and animals in real life cannot consent. Fortunately, Furries in SL can (assuming that Linden Lab keeps out the underaged, as they should.) ~ HEARTUN

HEY HEARTUN ~ (Note: This question came in Spanish and was translated by Babel Fish)

I played the Second Life by two days and does not speak English good. I am Hairy. I play the Fox. How do I solve chickens hot you?

~ CHILI CON FURRY

DEAR CHILI ~ No speak-ah da English? No problemo! You can ‘solve’ those hot chicks in your new Fox avatar by saying as little as possible. Learn and use emoticons like :D, 😛 and ( * ) ( * ) and those pleasantly plush pullets will be pecking at your pelt! And be sure to say “Yif” and “Yaffle” a lot as well as get that ^^Vv^ Hoooowlzzz ^vV^^ gesture from some other Furry so you can spam the hell out of Second Life all the time. Furry females love that. It’ll be months before they realize you don’t speak English. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER

ESTIMADO CHILI ~ ¿Nadie habla inglés? ¡No hay problema! Puede “arreglar” los pollos calientes en su nuevo avatar diciendo lo menos posible. Aprenda y use imágenes como: D ,: P y (*) (*), ¡y los hombres dibujados estarán justo frente a usted! Y recuerda decir más “Yif” y “Yaffle” y obtener esa ola ^^ Vv ^ Hoooowlzzz ^ vV ^^ de otro Furry, para que puedas salir de Two Life en poco tiempo. A las mujeres de piel les gusta esto. Pueden pasar meses antes de que sepan que no habla inglés. ~ ROMPE CORAZÓN

HEY HEARTUN ~ I’m a homosexual who lives in Montana — land of cowboys and intolerance — and I live with my parents while I go to college. I want to get the hell out of this square, underpopulated, shit hole some day but for now I’m kind of stuck here. There are no gay bars or hangouts here. My only real outlet for my sexuality is here in Second Life, where I am a Gay Furry.

When I first joined I was such a slut! But since then I’ve settled down a bit and have had a couple of semi-monogamous relationships, one of which I am in now. This new guy knows some of my real life contact information too — a post office box I keep for personal stuff. And he sends me Viagra and meth to enhance our sexual play. First I just tried the Viagra, and LOVE it!! but had been afraid to try the meth. My curiosity won out though, and I was blown away. The experience, especially when combined with Viagra, sex toys, and prolonged sexual play both on SL and through web cams, is absolutely amazing.

Now my lover is pushing to meet up in real life, something I’m not really comfortable with — but he has the Viagra and meth, and I do like him even though I don’t know that I trust him that much. I feel very vulnerable, but this is amazingly exciting! ~ MALE ORDER BRIDE

DEAR MALE ORDER BRIDE ~ When I was in college I used to take my vacations and go cross country hitchhiking to visit friends and explore America. It was exciting! I got an incredible adrenaline rush whenever a stranger pulled over to pick me up. Most of the people I encountered were really quite nice and often very interesting. Unfortunately, a few were not nice at all.

It was a steep and painful learning curve, but I quickly learned to go with my gut right away. If someone pulled over to pick me up and in that 10 seconds we size each other up as I open the door and say “How far you going?” they — in any way — made me uncomfortable, I would back off. Many times I couldn’t even put a finger on what it was about them that was unsettling. Often, like this one time on I-65 just north of Birmingham, Ala., I knew I was looking into the eyes of a serial killer or rapist.

Every time I said “Thanks for pulling over, but I think I’ll pass” the driver knew I was basically calling him a perv. All of them would curse me out at that point. I’m sure I misjudged some of them. But every single time, early on, that I ignored my initial gut reaction I quickly regretted it.

MOB, I’m not going to lecture you on the dangers of taking drugs. You are old enough to know that you are tap-dancing on thin ice with that anyway. But regarding a real life hook up with this guy — give it a pass. Trust your gut. You all but said you think he’s got a dangerous agenda, and lets face it — he is sending you drugs through the mail and knows you are in a remote place with a big secret, and are highly vulnerable. If you can’t ditch the drugs I’m sure you can find a new dealer, no place is so remote that drugs can’t be found. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER

(Photo courtesy of www.oostwestsl.com )